I hear this saying all the time.
The “mental load”, which describes the invisible (yet pretty obvious to those afflicted) burden that is often attributed to being in or running a household.
Truth be told, I have felt the annoyance, exhaustion and frustration of having to remember, plan and execute each facet of my family’s day. It exists. But that’s not the point. Lots of things exist, but it only continues if you allow it to continue.
So, instead of “making lists to better organize yourself” and “ sending your spouse/partner step by step instructions- so YOU can relax” I’m going to suggest something radical and although it appears as a list, you don’t have to write one yourself, I promise.
-SPEAK YOUR TRUTH.
-HAVE A REAL CONVERSATION WITH YOUR SPOUSE/PARTNER.
-STOP CONTROLLING THE PROCESS
-UNLOAD AND THEN LET IT GO
Simple? Maybe not-depending on your relationship.
You are not a mind-reader, and neither is your significant other. Stop acting like a victim whilst angrily unloading the clean dishes or stomping around with a laundry basket.
Using “when you _____, I feel ______” to articulate how you feel and express what you need.
Shut up before you comment on how the tasks or chores get done. You don’t want to be treated like the boss, so stop dictating every move.
Once you’ve shared your piece, you have to let it sit for a bit.
If you choose to acknowledge the “mental load”, but refuse to address it, all you are going to do is further divide your relationship, and foster bitterness and resentment.
So instead, maybe try these strategies.