We are all here trying to figure ourselves out, just trying to patch up the cracks and breaks in our heart and soul, just trying to deal with what feels heaviest within.
Sometimes, we try, and another person does not.
Sometimes, we care more than another cares.
Sometimes, we offer our skills, our knowledge and our lessons to another human being and they cannot absorb all that we are.
If someone you care for does not meet you where you are, you cannot keep asking them to do so. Because, we know that aching for someone to reach their potential before they are ready is a form of self-destruction that only you will carry.
Please stop trying to shrink into what you perceive that someone else needs. Let yourself be authentic, and your people will come. The world needs you at your truest self, versus carbon-copies of our lesser-selves.
Stop pouring your energy into a vessel that cannot contain it. Rather, send it out to the world with the acceptance and excitement of reciprocity.
Send out what is good, and goodness will return to you.
But when someone or something does not see all the light and goodness coming from you, do not force it. They are not ready to accept or see it for what it is. It is not their time.
A “glow up” does not have to be about having perfect skin, amazing hair, and a perfect body.
The real “glow up” is when we are okay with solitude, okay with conquering challenges, and okay with facing reality.
The real “glow up” is when you’re comfortable with yourself.
It’s when you feel fulfilled, and don’t feel the need to obsess and stress over everything that’s yet to come. Instead, you can sit in the present moment and let it be.
It’s when you can feel proud/excited/happy for others without letting comparison flood you with insecurity or low self-esteem.
It’s when you can speak your truth while simultaneously choosing compassion towards those who may not understand you.
It’s when you stop allowing others to treat you in a way that is hurtful or harmful, and choose to hold space for higher-level, kind people who choose to embrace connection and vulnerability—-even when it’s hard.
It’s when you realize that you are worth all of the good that life brings you, and yet can also manage the curveballs that come your way.
Healing requires feeling.
If you are in the midst of healing, odds are that you are experiencing a range of moods—-motivation, frustration, resentment, sadness, grief, impatience, excitement, hope, hopelessness, etc.
What you may not realize is that healing requires feeling your way through whatever has impacted or affected you. All of those feelings serve a purpose, and often do not appear in a linear way.
Healing ebbs and flows, and has the power to surprise and disarm. The feelings may change, grow or pass without warning, and yet it is important to honor whatever feeling arises as a guest in your experience.
Let the feelings settle (briefly), with the awareness that all of them are there temporarily, and if you feel them, then allow them to leave, you can learn the lesson they are teaching you, which ushers in more peace and self-awareness.
That is the healing.
Today in class my group counseling students were doing a practice group session around the topic of ‘fear’.
Each student wrote down a few fears in their lives and added them to the pile.
Not surprisingly, the ‘fear of failure’ (stated in one way or another) kept coming up, so we paused and dissected this a bit more. With several students (who are also parents) noting their fear was often centered around fear of failing as a parent. (🙋🏼♀️hi, all of you fellow parents out there) The other students were able to see the connection to their own parents, or how they will parent if that is where their lives lead them.
As they went around sharing, it was my turn to offer feedback and this is what I shared…
”Wow. I really screwed that up. I’m so sorry that I did that. Next time I’ll do ———.”(I say this phrase a lot!)
What you give your loved ones when you apologize is the space and affirmation that they are worthy of an apology.
Think about how important this is for the children in your life to see. When you screw up—- acknowledge it, own it, and explain how you will change your behavior next time a similar situation presents itself.
Modeling this behavior is critical in building their emotional intelligence and fostering empathy.
When you are wrong, speak it out. Own it, and move along ❤️
Positive affirmation work is a delightfully easy way to focus on self-development. I prefer to use several throughout the day, and switch them up as the day unfolds.
I sit with my eyes closed, breathe mindfully and repeat the affirmation in my mind.
Try a few of my favorite, or make up your own.
Here are a few of my favorites (adapted from aimhappy.com)
I am a powerful force for good in the world.
I am on the right path. I am moving in the right direction.
I am worthy of all things wonderful.
I am being guided to what’s best for me and everyone else.
I am willing to see things differently, even if I’m not ready to yet.
I am learning to let go of fear.
I am learning to respect the process when I do not understand it.
I am ready to release the stories in my head and forgive myself for believing everything my inner critic has ever said.
I am grateful for who I am and can be.
I am enough and I have everything I need to get to where I want to be.
I am grateful for every gift that I’ve been given, have now, and have yet to receive.