Destination addiction

Summer class discussion topic of the day:

‘Destination addiction’ is the idea that happiness/fulfillment/success is held in some chosen person/place/thing/job that is coming, versus what IS.

Learning how to sit and reflect on your current experiences with gratitude and be present with all that you have is what can reframe your perception that contentment and success is ONLY ahead of you. If you keep those feelings with you, they are always within reach!

It is time to see what is in front of you, express appreciation for it, and hold space for what is coming without obsessing over the outcome.

What’s happening in this moment in your life that is going well??

Sit with it, thank it, and go about your day!

Potential

We are all here trying to figure ourselves out, just trying to patch up the cracks and breaks in our heart and soul, just trying to deal with what feels heaviest within.

Sometimes, we try, and another person does not.

Sometimes, we care more than another cares.

Sometimes, we offer our skills, our knowledge and our lessons to another human being and they cannot absorb all that we are.

If someone you care for does not meet you where you are, you cannot keep asking them to do so. Because, we know that aching for someone to reach their potential before they are ready is a form of self-destruction that only you will carry.

Please stop trying to shrink into what you perceive that someone else needs. Let yourself be authentic, and your people will come. The world needs you at your truest self, versus carbon-copies of our lesser-selves.

Stop pouring your energy into a vessel that cannot contain it. Rather, send it out to the world with the acceptance and excitement of reciprocity.

Send out what is good, and goodness will return to you.

But when someone or something does not see all the light and goodness coming from you, do not force it. They are not ready to accept or see it for what it is. It is not their time.

Say you’re sorry

Today in class my group counseling students were doing a practice group session around the topic of ‘fear’.

Each student wrote down a few fears in their lives and added them to the pile.

Not surprisingly, the ‘fear of failure’ (stated in one way or another) kept coming up, so we paused and dissected this a bit more. With several students (who are also parents) noting their fear was often centered around fear of failing as a parent. (🙋🏼‍♀️hi, all of you fellow parents out there) The other students were able to see the connection to their own parents, or how they will parent if that is where their lives lead them.

As they went around sharing, it was my turn to offer feedback and this is what I shared…

”Wow. I really screwed that up. I’m so sorry that I did that. Next time I’ll do ———.”(I say this phrase a lot!)

What you give your loved ones when you apologize is the space and affirmation that they are worthy of an apology.

Think about how important this is for the children in your life to see. When you screw up—- acknowledge it, own it, and explain how you will change your behavior next time a similar situation presents itself.

Modeling this behavior is critical in building their emotional intelligence and fostering empathy.

When you are wrong, speak it out. Own it, and move along ❤️

I am

Positive affirmation work is a delightfully easy way to focus on self-development. I prefer to use several throughout the day, and switch them up as the day unfolds.

I sit with my eyes closed, breathe mindfully and repeat the affirmation in my mind.

Try a few of my favorite, or make up your own.

Here are a few of my favorites (adapted from aimhappy.com)

I am a powerful force for good in the world.

I am on the right path. I am moving in the right direction.

I am worthy of all things wonderful.

I am being guided to what’s best for me and everyone else.

I am willing to see things differently, even if I’m not ready to yet.

I am learning to let go of fear.

I am learning to respect the process when I do not understand it.

I am ready to release the stories in my head and forgive myself for believing everything my inner critic has ever said.

I am grateful for who I am and can be.

I am enough and I have everything I need to get to where I want to be.

I am grateful for every gift that I’ve been given, have now, and have yet to receive.

Finding purpose and creating space

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Helping professions are based on service to others and in the Human Service “world” I discuss the layers of helping as they relate to the Ecological model of human services.

Human service professionals use this model to develop a broad understanding of each individual client, see the client in the context in which the client lives and functions, see how the client has interacted and is interacting with the environment, and to see how the environment influences the client’s choices.

The three levels exist as separate yet often intersecting entities.

Micro Level: where the focus is on the client’s personality, motivation, affect, and other personal attributes

Meso Level: where the focus is on the context immediately surrounding the client (family, church group, close friends, and work group)

Macro Level: where the focus is on the larger society’s characteristics and the way the client experiences these or the way these are brought to bear on the client’s situation (institutions and organizations such as the political system, social stratification, educational system, the economy).

So  I told you that story so I could tell you this story…

When helping someone, it is important to consider the person as they exist within the self, the setting/environment and how society has influenced their personal experiences. People who are struggling are rarely dealing with a solitary issue, but rather “problems in living” that can be based on a number of things.

So when you are in the role of a helper, it will be important to remember that the person who is seeking help is a multi-faceted being, who may be struggling in some areas that are not visible to you at the moment. So to be an exceptional helper, be sure to reflect on the person as a whole when considering how to help them.

If you have used your unique-helper-talents to assist, yet you see that the client or person you are helping needs something more, it is okay and often necessary to speak out your recommendations openly with a referral.

A referral is the best gift you can give someone!