Destination addiction

Summer class discussion topic of the day:

‘Destination addiction’ is the idea that happiness/fulfillment/success is held in some chosen person/place/thing/job that is coming, versus what IS.

Learning how to sit and reflect on your current experiences with gratitude and be present with all that you have is what can reframe your perception that contentment and success is ONLY ahead of you. If you keep those feelings with you, they are always within reach!

It is time to see what is in front of you, express appreciation for it, and hold space for what is coming without obsessing over the outcome.

What’s happening in this moment in your life that is going well??

Sit with it, thank it, and go about your day!

The glow up

A “glow up” does not have to be about having perfect skin, amazing hair, and a perfect body.

The real “glow up” is when we are okay with solitude, okay with conquering challenges, and okay with facing reality.

The real “glow up” is when you’re comfortable with yourself.

It’s when you feel fulfilled, and don’t feel the need to obsess and stress over everything that’s yet to come. Instead, you can sit in the present moment and let it be.

It’s when you can feel proud/excited/happy for others without letting comparison flood you with insecurity or low self-esteem.

It’s when you can speak your truth while simultaneously choosing compassion towards those who may not understand you.

It’s when you stop allowing others to treat you in a way that is hurtful or harmful, and choose to hold space for higher-level, kind people who choose to embrace connection and vulnerability—-even when it’s hard.

It’s when you realize that you are worth all of the good that life brings you, and yet can also manage the curveballs that come your way.

Healing and feeling

Healing requires feeling.

If you are in the midst of healing, odds are that you are experiencing a range of moods—-motivation, frustration, resentment, sadness, grief, impatience, excitement, hope, hopelessness, etc.

What you may not realize is that healing requires feeling your way through whatever has impacted or affected you. All of those feelings serve a purpose, and often do not appear in a linear way.

Healing ebbs and flows, and has the power to surprise and disarm. The feelings may change, grow or pass without warning, and yet it is important to honor whatever feeling arises as a guest in your experience.

Let the feelings settle (briefly), with the awareness that all of them are there temporarily, and if you feel them, then allow them to leave, you can learn the lesson they are teaching you, which ushers in more peace and self-awareness.

That is the healing.

Say you’re sorry

Today in class my group counseling students were doing a practice group session around the topic of ‘fear’.

Each student wrote down a few fears in their lives and added them to the pile.

Not surprisingly, the ‘fear of failure’ (stated in one way or another) kept coming up, so we paused and dissected this a bit more. With several students (who are also parents) noting their fear was often centered around fear of failing as a parent. (🙋🏼‍♀️hi, all of you fellow parents out there) The other students were able to see the connection to their own parents, or how they will parent if that is where their lives lead them.

As they went around sharing, it was my turn to offer feedback and this is what I shared…

”Wow. I really screwed that up. I’m so sorry that I did that. Next time I’ll do ———.”(I say this phrase a lot!)

What you give your loved ones when you apologize is the space and affirmation that they are worthy of an apology.

Think about how important this is for the children in your life to see. When you screw up—- acknowledge it, own it, and explain how you will change your behavior next time a similar situation presents itself.

Modeling this behavior is critical in building their emotional intelligence and fostering empathy.

When you are wrong, speak it out. Own it, and move along ❤️

I am

Positive affirmation work is a delightfully easy way to focus on self-development. I prefer to use several throughout the day, and switch them up as the day unfolds.

I sit with my eyes closed, breathe mindfully and repeat the affirmation in my mind.

Try a few of my favorite, or make up your own.

Here are a few of my favorites (adapted from aimhappy.com)

I am a powerful force for good in the world.

I am on the right path. I am moving in the right direction.

I am worthy of all things wonderful.

I am being guided to what’s best for me and everyone else.

I am willing to see things differently, even if I’m not ready to yet.

I am learning to let go of fear.

I am learning to respect the process when I do not understand it.

I am ready to release the stories in my head and forgive myself for believing everything my inner critic has ever said.

I am grateful for who I am and can be.

I am enough and I have everything I need to get to where I want to be.

I am grateful for every gift that I’ve been given, have now, and have yet to receive.