Destination addiction

Summer class discussion topic of the day:

‘Destination addiction’ is the idea that happiness/fulfillment/success is held in some chosen person/place/thing/job that is coming, versus what IS.

Learning how to sit and reflect on your current experiences with gratitude and be present with all that you have is what can reframe your perception that contentment and success is ONLY ahead of you. If you keep those feelings with you, they are always within reach!

It is time to see what is in front of you, express appreciation for it, and hold space for what is coming without obsessing over the outcome.

What’s happening in this moment in your life that is going well??

Sit with it, thank it, and go about your day!

Rest

Rest is essential.

Not the “errand-running, email-checking, revolving-door visits with family and friends” kind of rest.

The real rest is intentionally choosing to be still, to be calm, and to be focused on how that rest impacts your emotional, physical and spiritual body.

Sit with a warm beverage.

Put your phone on silent (or better yet, turn it off).

Enjoy the feeling of nowhere to be, no one to manage and no pressing tasks.

Feel the soles of your feet, move your legs. Notice your body in it’s space.

Shake out your arms.

Roll your shoulders.

Slowly move your neck from side to side.

Relax your jaw, eyes and eyebrows.

Notice the calm presence of breath.

In. Out.

Show yourself some gratitude for taking a few moments to rest.

See how long you can take it.

Then tomorrow, try to double it.

Your body will thank you.

Breakthrough

You are not broken, you are in the process of a breakthrough.

“That’s it, I’m broken!” A former student said this to me last week.

This person has survived more adversity and pain than the average student. I had been clued in to some of the details throughout the last few months, and checked in as I hadn’t seen them in awhile.

Turns out, the struggle continued, but this student continued to do their work, handle their business, and always presented with poise. Incredibly professional, this student kept it together (listing off the million of tasks and responsibilities still left to be addressed) until their cell phone smashed on the ground.

This wasn’t the average screen crack. This was the “fade to black” kind of smashed.

That’s what it took for them to speak the words that they had been keeping inside “I’m broken!”

After a few minutes of de-escalating the phone crisis (with a gentle reminder that this is why phone insurance and back-ups exist) I prompted the student to tell me why they feel “they” are broken. After all, phones are replaceable.

The response brought tears to my eyes.

“The only memories I have are painful. My day to day is filled with dealing with someone else’s pain. I go to bed in pain and wake up fearing what will get worse tomorrow.”

This is the point where Counselor-Mallory starts to organize the strategies and feedback to offer when it would be appropriate.

But then they looked up at me and said “but I remember when you said that often when one is experiencing pain and breakdowns, they are nearing a breakthrough. So to keep going, I keep waiting for my breakthrough.”

I wasn’t sure what to say (yes, me.)

So I smiled, and said— “get the phone fixed, and prepare for your breakthrough. It is coming.”

So, friends, change often follows a period of chaos. Pain will happen, so will grief. Yet we get to feel the relief and the joy that accompanies moving through difficult times.

So I hope that you welcome in your next breakthrough. If you want some support bringing it to light, or even understanding what you want it to be—-reach out to me. I’d love to help.

❤️

Mallory