Destination addiction

Summer class discussion topic of the day:

‘Destination addiction’ is the idea that happiness/fulfillment/success is held in some chosen person/place/thing/job that is coming, versus what IS.

Learning how to sit and reflect on your current experiences with gratitude and be present with all that you have is what can reframe your perception that contentment and success is ONLY ahead of you. If you keep those feelings with you, they are always within reach!

It is time to see what is in front of you, express appreciation for it, and hold space for what is coming without obsessing over the outcome.

What’s happening in this moment in your life that is going well??

Sit with it, thank it, and go about your day!

Healing and feeling

Healing requires feeling.

If you are in the midst of healing, odds are that you are experiencing a range of moods—-motivation, frustration, resentment, sadness, grief, impatience, excitement, hope, hopelessness, etc.

What you may not realize is that healing requires feeling your way through whatever has impacted or affected you. All of those feelings serve a purpose, and often do not appear in a linear way.

Healing ebbs and flows, and has the power to surprise and disarm. The feelings may change, grow or pass without warning, and yet it is important to honor whatever feeling arises as a guest in your experience.

Let the feelings settle (briefly), with the awareness that all of them are there temporarily, and if you feel them, then allow them to leave, you can learn the lesson they are teaching you, which ushers in more peace and self-awareness.

That is the healing.

I am

Positive affirmation work is a delightfully easy way to focus on self-development. I prefer to use several throughout the day, and switch them up as the day unfolds.

I sit with my eyes closed, breathe mindfully and repeat the affirmation in my mind.

Try a few of my favorite, or make up your own.

Here are a few of my favorites (adapted from aimhappy.com)

I am a powerful force for good in the world.

I am on the right path. I am moving in the right direction.

I am worthy of all things wonderful.

I am being guided to what’s best for me and everyone else.

I am willing to see things differently, even if I’m not ready to yet.

I am learning to let go of fear.

I am learning to respect the process when I do not understand it.

I am ready to release the stories in my head and forgive myself for believing everything my inner critic has ever said.

I am grateful for who I am and can be.

I am enough and I have everything I need to get to where I want to be.

I am grateful for every gift that I’ve been given, have now, and have yet to receive.

“I don’t want to be seen as a fraud”

First week of classes in the new semester, and a student shared today that they are worried that they will be seen as a fraud who does not actually HELP.

This fear and anxiety exists within all helpers, regardless of the title or the license to practice. The anxious nature of not knowing what the client might need, or how to approach an issue is common at first.

So this turned into a larger conversation about authenticity, boundaries and reminding the client what they are, and what they are not.

We could all learn from this.

What are your roles?

What your limits?

What does ‘helping’ actually look like to this client?

Some clients may be slow to trust, and may require a lot of effort to engage and build rapport. This is okay.

It is imperative that the person you are helping understands that you are not there to pretend to care about their problems. Their problems are real to both the helper and the person being helped.

But the actual ‘help’ comes from teaching the client how to care for themselves. That is the gift that keeps on giving.

It’s not the mental load. It’s you.

I hear this saying all the time.

The “mental load”, which describes the invisible (yet pretty obvious to those afflicted) burden that is often attributed to being in or running a household.

Truth be told, I have felt the annoyance, exhaustion and frustration of having to remember, plan and execute each facet of my family’s day. It exists. But that’s not the point. Lots of things exist, but it only continues if you allow it to continue.

So, instead of “making lists to better organize yourself” and “ sending your spouse/partner step by step instructions- so YOU can relax” I’m going to suggest something radical and although it appears as a list, you don’t have to write one yourself, I promise.

-SPEAK YOUR TRUTH.

-HAVE A REAL CONVERSATION WITH YOUR SPOUSE/PARTNER.

-STOP CONTROLLING THE PROCESS

-UNLOAD AND THEN LET IT GO

Simple? Maybe not-depending on your relationship.

You are not a mind-reader, and neither is your significant other. Stop acting like a victim whilst angrily unloading the clean dishes or stomping around with a laundry basket.

Using “when you _____, I feel ______” to articulate how you feel and express what you need.

Shut up before you comment on how the tasks or chores get done. You don’t want to be treated like the boss, so stop dictating every move.

Once you’ve shared your piece, you have to let it sit for a bit.

If you choose to acknowledge the “mental load”, but refuse to address it, all you are going to do is further divide your relationship, and foster bitterness and resentment.

So instead, maybe try these strategies.