Destination addiction

Summer class discussion topic of the day:

‘Destination addiction’ is the idea that happiness/fulfillment/success is held in some chosen person/place/thing/job that is coming, versus what IS.

Learning how to sit and reflect on your current experiences with gratitude and be present with all that you have is what can reframe your perception that contentment and success is ONLY ahead of you. If you keep those feelings with you, they are always within reach!

It is time to see what is in front of you, express appreciation for it, and hold space for what is coming without obsessing over the outcome.

What’s happening in this moment in your life that is going well??

Sit with it, thank it, and go about your day!

Healing and feeling

Healing requires feeling.

If you are in the midst of healing, odds are that you are experiencing a range of moods—-motivation, frustration, resentment, sadness, grief, impatience, excitement, hope, hopelessness, etc.

What you may not realize is that healing requires feeling your way through whatever has impacted or affected you. All of those feelings serve a purpose, and often do not appear in a linear way.

Healing ebbs and flows, and has the power to surprise and disarm. The feelings may change, grow or pass without warning, and yet it is important to honor whatever feeling arises as a guest in your experience.

Let the feelings settle (briefly), with the awareness that all of them are there temporarily, and if you feel them, then allow them to leave, you can learn the lesson they are teaching you, which ushers in more peace and self-awareness.

That is the healing.

“I don’t want to be seen as a fraud”

First week of classes in the new semester, and a student shared today that they are worried that they will be seen as a fraud who does not actually HELP.

This fear and anxiety exists within all helpers, regardless of the title or the license to practice. The anxious nature of not knowing what the client might need, or how to approach an issue is common at first.

So this turned into a larger conversation about authenticity, boundaries and reminding the client what they are, and what they are not.

We could all learn from this.

What are your roles?

What your limits?

What does ‘helping’ actually look like to this client?

Some clients may be slow to trust, and may require a lot of effort to engage and build rapport. This is okay.

It is imperative that the person you are helping understands that you are not there to pretend to care about their problems. Their problems are real to both the helper and the person being helped.

But the actual ‘help’ comes from teaching the client how to care for themselves. That is the gift that keeps on giving.

Show up.

I hear so many excuses from people.

“I don’t know what to say”,

“I don’t want to make it worse”

“what if they cry?”

“You don’t understand how awkward I am. I can’t imagine how I would be helping them.”

Listen up, people.

The people who love you will see any effort to connect with them as a blessing.

You don’t need to bring anything other than yourself (and maybe a hot beverage- people love hot beverages) to check in on someone.

You don’t need to have a cure, a set of answers, a slew of strategies, a list of resources, or even that many words to show up and connect.

You are pre-approved.

You do not have to overthink this.

Show up.

People remember and value those who show up.

Let them go…

One major life shift into adulthood is the desire to be with people who “see” you. People that see you as a whole person, the emotional, spiritual and connected collective-self.

The fulfillment often comes with releasing the relationships and friendships that do not serve you (or them) at the level of awareness and presence that you are operating on.

As you learn more about yourself and what you need, you will naturally shift away from those who do not experience the connection and clarity. This can be painful at first, as it seems that past practice requires people to stay overly committed to maintaining relationships even when they are no longer serving their purpose.

It is TOTALLY okay to let go of old friendships and relationships in the name of becoming who you are meant to become.

It order to pay respect to those relationships from the past, you should express gratitude for the lessons you were able to learn as a result of your time with those people.

Speak out the gratitude.

Feel the impact by noticing how the lessons play out in your present day, and reflect on those experiences with grace while wishing happiness and peace to those key players from your past.

Take all of that and share it with those who are a part of your life now.